Blogger is going through some changes, that seem major to me. Being the kind that prefers static, predictable conditions and rules for anything that has to do with computers, this is very confusing to me. And I suppose I define the very opposite of computer technology. Hmmp.

But...am very happy now or rather, am high on serotonin. One more paper and one more exam and goodbye to academic year 2003-2004. First semester at Calvin that I actually am quite in control of my coursework for the finals week. I think once I master time management and producing a continuous flow of feel-good hormones, I will have mastered college life, and beyond.

Hungary group gonna meet up tomorrow night--yay! I think it'll be the complete group this time (except the out-of-staters), Prof Sterk's even coming. And it'll be g-bye to the seniors :C

Jell's coming back this Friday! Will be very interesting and exciting to see how she is now and to pick up where we left off our buddy-ship.

I made a resume! Finally, I was subconsiously protesting graduating from college. It's funny how words can make what you do so professional and wonderful, when it's really not much. Or maybe, I am an intellectual scholar, wow.....

Okie, okie, this world-shaker better go do her final class paper, else she will regret it very very mucho.

Know what, when doors shut, others open in time. When life goes crazy, the walls seem to crumble down, but when you see all laid out, life seems full of opportunities and fruitful. And then you realize, it's all about stability and a steadfast heart and mind. God is amazing to me. Again and again He uplifts me and I do not see this in my complaining and worrying and desparate grasps for the leftovers. And then, one day, seemingly out of the blue, He shows me that it's okay, and that I'm doing fine even though situations and circumstances are chaotic and difficult. Sometime I the person am shaken, am reduced to insignificance, to ugliness. And then I find my identity in Him, I try to believe, to accept, and as many would say, "I want to, I want to, but I simply can't." I want to say this because it's easy, it gives me some control, and assurance that I still have a say in things. But it also gives me false assurance, no progress forward, perhaps a step backwards in my life journey, false control. And my mind and heart knows that He has done it before, and am doing it again, but I still fear to take that leap of faith. Yet I do, my mind screaming against. Perhaps this is like when we stay up late nights studying for the exam tomorrow, like when cancer patients subjecting themselves to another nauseating chemotherapy session, like when a parent disciplines a child--we grit out teeth and do 'what is right.' Because we know what's right is sometimes, unpleasant. And sometimes, it really isn't all that unpleasant, but we have been swallowed up by the world so much that we forget what true pleasure is, what it feels like. We are creatures of conditioning as much as choice.