Blah blah blah...my life is getting more and more aimless as each day passes. I lose more of what I thought was a possibility and then am not satisfied with what I can possibly do. And not being very well-versed in what those options mean, I feel very out of control. Abyss-like. It's my fault mostly, I guess, Queen of Procrastination. I will make up for it. I'm not resting until I have a plan, and a plan carried out and complete. PS I am hoping for a miracle. Funny how it is, the more helpless I feel, the more empowered I feel, despite the crazy swiss cheese situation. I pray for strength and courage and will to do what I ought, I pray for a miracle. OK, feel better, and now moving on to Problem No 2:

Switching gears,

There's a thorn in my side
and it won't go away
it refuses to take a holiday
refuses to come at the discussion table
refuses to get into an accident (ok, now I'm mean)
refuses to forget about me
refuses to let go (let go!)
refuses to quit burrowing deeper into my flesh
refuses to say goodbye
refuses to see the situation from a different point of view
(which bring some sympathy for me)

there's a thorn in my side
(but I'm sure Paul's was sure worse)
and I can't rid it
can't forget it
can't free my mind from it
can't love it
can't find peace with it
can't understand it (don't want to anymore)
can't stop being hurt by it
or is it won't?

There's a thorn in my side
don't play tricks on my mind
don't make me run and hide
don't make me hurt inside
you knew me i let you know
and you took that and
brought it back diseased

release me I pray
release myself i tell my mind
the world can act
but only I can act for myself
to take a step, steps on the Path
and forgive deeply
as heart joins to mind
forgive for sanity's sake
cause i'll never know
never understand
why
until forgiveness comes
wholly and simply