Summary

The past two, three weeks have been very busy with mini projects, 98% of which were not related to my clinic or coursework. I don't really know why I'm doing them (I don't think it's on the want-to list). More appropriately, I don't know what end will come of all of this; it feels like I'm just trying out the options, options that require some long-term commitment. I think there's a more efficient way of doing other things, and still do well on the schoolwork I have to do. But as for now, I'm filling the limited time I have on other academic do-s and thinking, I am interested in this but at the same time, wonder if I'm just doing it so that I have an excuse to why I don't have enough time/am not doing the work on the must-do list.

Those initial (are they initial? They lasted for ridiculous weeks!) thoughts about how awful everything is and the emotions that went along with them have simmered down. I think it was the indecision that made things even harder, and now that I've made up my mind, I'm working towards a goal, purposeful once again...hahaha. Life. I feel quite empty, doing things but not really having an internal drive. The passion for the line of work I'm pursuing is shriveling up.

Today is National Day of Prayer for the Persecuted Church. And just to be selfish and track everything back to me, I was in church today and there was a phone interview with a missionary to Central Asia, who said something along these lines: The question we ask should not be, 'Is it safe? Is it comfortable?' but instead 'Is this what God wills? Is this what glorifies His name?' And although I feel persecuted in a very different way (maybe I got into this mess myself), I think that perhaps all the struggles I'm dealing with now is for me to grow towards Christ. I am finding that school is no longer comsuming my life and I do think a lot more about the future and who God is to me.

I find it so much more easier for tears to spring up, and I hate that...how the heck did I get emotionally labial?

Here's another random sentence: I just got off the phone with a fellow student I'm getting to know, and said yes to joining the International Student Night show (CMU's version of Rangeela)...that's this Thursday. Fashion Show part. Not only am I getting increasingly labial, I'm also getting unhealtily impulsive.