Steps

The house is rarely quiet. Doesn't mean someone's always home, two-bodies. But there's always the cars going by, people running/joggin/chasing their runnaway kids, and neighbors gardening. It's quiet now, unusual. Come to think of it, my first reaction these days is to turn on some music or the TV when it's too quiet. Not now. I enjoy the silence. The emptiness that is still yet filled with peace.

Looking for housing in LA has dug up the conflict buried somewhere in my mind about my living habits--simply put, to live alone vs with other humanoids ;) I dream of a beautiful (clean, neat, yes I am freakish like that but also live in an organized mess) little home, things that match. And space, and a wonderful kitchen and a place to entertain. Haha...I sound so homey. I'd be happy a day or so, and then wish that someone else would be in the house to live. And then, I've always lived with at least two others and I've always held back cooking something, or being there at a time, or doing something/changing something in the house because of the roommates. Now that I type it out, that's simply called adapting and adjusting and living together. Nothing bad about that. Nothing wrong. But I do so love personal space, alone time...hence my struggle. I know that if I live alone, no housemates, I will eventually move within myself, turn inward. I can go for days without talking to another...not good. To live with others is a way to force me to interact with others even when I don't want to. To keep me in touch with others :) Cause in the end, I need people. I like people at times...I am such the wrong field...